Douche Bags

Lately I hear people calling other people “douche bag” quite often. It seems to have become interchangeable with pretty much anything negative (idiot, annoying, pretentious, snob, etc.).

2 definitions from urban dictionary below

“An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.”

“A douchebag is a pretentious, sugar coated prick, but with emphasis on pretentious and sugar coated. It's not an adjective for an asshole, because assholes call other people douchebags, and assholes are more often than not proud of being assholes.”

I believe it is more like the first definition and less like the second.

In my opinion, a douche bag is a person who ranks/evaluates other people based on some arbitrary, unfair criteria and treats those at the bottom of the ranking worse than those at the top of the ranking.

In New York, and in most US cities, this typically involves ranking others based on their net worth since we are such a materialistic/capitalistic society. This is why the finance community is so often seen as douche bags, because that industry tends to put great emphasis on how much money you make.

Note, however, that recently, this criteria has expanded, and it doesn’t just have to be about money. The most common other type of douche (besides finance douche) seems to be the hipster douche (I just refer to them as hipsters though). The hipster ranks/evaluates others based on some arbitrary criteria like your nutrition (vegan?), profession, facial hair, etc.

What do both of these douches have in common? They judge people based on something pretty arbitrary that has nothing to do with who you are as a human being. There are plenty of bad vegans and there are plenty of bad rich people. Also, just because a person ranks low in your arbitrary ranking system doesn’t mean that you should treat them poorly.

Some examples of douchey behavior:

Treating a waiter poorly because he/she is just a waiter and you are a VP at Goldman Sachs.

Attacking someone’s profession as being a “leech on society” without really understanding what they do.

While in college, obsessing over who got what internship at which bulge bracket investment bank.

Referring to dinners you setup as “winners only”.

Questionably douchey behavior:

Popping your collar. This tends to be something the high net-worth community does (think preppy WASPs in the Hamptons) which is why people associate it with douche bags.

Being an attention whore. Basically this is just another form of name dropping. Why do you wear a mustache or a beard? To show people that you are in a field that allows it (often a creative field). Why do you wear a Lacoste polo? To show people that you make money. Doesn’t mean you are actually a douche…

Gossiping. If you get together with your friends and constantly gossip about who just got promoted at what hedge fund or who just got a book on Foucault published, that is pretty douchy. If you are obsessed with what other people are doing, you are probably a douche.

NOT douchy behavior:

Working at a hedge fund. Just because you make a ton of money, doesn’t make you a douche bag. It is all in the way you worship the wealthy or mistreat the less wealthy.

Adopting kids and enrolling them in some hippie, alternative private school. If you were to criticize your friends for not doing the same, then you are a douche bag.

Being pretentious/snobby. So you only eat organic foods and watch foreign films? That doesn’t make you a douche bag. If you think people who don’t eat organic foods and watch hollywoold films are all idiots, then you are a douche bag.

Dressed like a douche:

You are on the street, you see a guy wearing a fedora with skinny jeans and a silk vest on a t-shirt. You say “what a douche”. What you are actually saying is “that guy is probably a douche”. In my opinion, you won’t really know unless you talk to him. That is why clothing will never make someone douchy just by itself. It is just a strong signaling device.

The difference between a bouncer and a college admission officer:

If I was to ask you, which profession is more douchy, I assume you’d say the bouncer. That is because the bouncer evaluates/ranks people based on something pretty arbitrary (looks, clothes, ability to buy bottles) while the college admissions officer actually takes the time to read your essays, recommendations, etc. It isn’t about evaluating people, it’s about evaluating them unfairly and then treating people differently based on that unfair criteria.